I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
3 2 1 whiskey
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
