so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
