ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
