Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
