wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I touched a dick in church today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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