is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
