So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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