Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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