If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
