I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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