I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
