if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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