everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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