is your mom at the bar?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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