It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize