she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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