so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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