I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
