Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
