Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
