There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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