You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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