yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize