And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
