youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
