Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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