Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
