Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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