I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
