her vagina looked like bernie madoff
well you can't waste a boner
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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