people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
