Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
