i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
