The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
