i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
