this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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