My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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