My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
