oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
