It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
