Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize