She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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