I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
