I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
