Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize