Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
