Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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