he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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