did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
