her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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