We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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