is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
