Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just blew my weed a kiss
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
