i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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