Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
