Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize