I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
