Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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