are you so shy because you have an std?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
