This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
