erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
