the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
