you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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