chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
