Do you still have your period?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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