I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
