Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize