dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
